Wonderful people of the world, just wanted to let you know, I already have a hard enough time figuring out mothering for the first time. Most of the preconceived ideas I had about being a parent have been completely shattered by my own experience. The only thing I'm sure about is that I knew close to nothing about being a mother. That is my ultimate confession. I thought I was going to be super prepared, c'mon! I studied Psychology and I'm a teacher, plus I read all the books, so I assumed that gave me a heads up, once again: errrr! I know how to be a good educator (I think), but a good mother? Well that I'm just learning on the way. So when you ask me questions like: "How long are you planning to breastfeed?" or (the worst) "What?! You are STILL breastfeeding your daughter?" or (the absolute worst, just jump right in to judgement) "Isn't she too old to be breastfeeding? Aren't you going to spoil her?" - It gets on my nerves. Mainly, because first, I'm running on an almost survival mode mothering experience. Plans? I had plenty, ask me where those are...probably in one of my notebooks, charts, posters, schedules, in a stack in my closet.
I am going to be completely honest here. I was one of those people that thought that after a child starts walking it means he/she should probably be off the boob. Why? Seriously, I had no arguments or anything to back my position. I really don't know, but I thought it was a little weird. Probably has to do with the lack of exposure to women breastfeeding past infancy. Or, maybe it was my mother who indirectly convinced me that breastfeeding your kids too long, will result in them being spoiled, or dependent, or who knows. Even then, I would NOT dare to even question or ask a person how long they're planning to breastfeed. How was that any of my business.
We have so many preconceived ideas and a judgements when it comes to our mother boobs. I feel it's even worst in urban-Latin-American-mini-society, where everyone comments about everyone else's life. I guess here in the States, I feel it less, because one: I know far less people. Two: people tend to mind their own freaking business way, way, way, WAY more, and three: I get a sense that moms don't give a damn about what other people think -well- at least compared to Latin America. Then again, maybe I feel this way, because as I said, I feel more anonymous here. But in general, I sense a "I get ya, because I've been there" vibe more, than a judgement look. Doing motherhood here, far away from home, where you have no help, is legit...I understand why many moms here don't care, they're more tired, hell, I'm tired! When I went to Lima last time, random people on the street "suggested" my daughter needed to be wearing a sweater because it was cold. I can't imagine a stranger here telling me how I should dress my daughter. However, I've read about moms feeling judged for their parenting practices here as well.
Overall, in Seattle, I'm pretty confident I can find a place to nurse my daughter. Even though it's not an 'official' place, it's ok to find your own spot. I'm not really that cool, as I see many people are here, to just, bam! Boob out, baby in. I still and probably always find a way to cover myself so the least amount of anything is showing. Which is mega uncomfortable and especially hard when you have a small baby that can't even hold their head up. But, I've nursed Victoria in plenty of spaces, including a very comfy display couch at Costco. I've never nursed my baby in a restroom, I'm only mentioning this because once someone suggested a friend a mine that a good place to nurse her baby was the bathroom.... WTF, I wonder if that person eats his meals in a bathroom? Back to the point. If breastfeeding is so great, and we are mega encouraged to do it and every day it's more accepted to do it everywhere; why are we socially programmed to abruptly end this great thing we started? Who sets these limits? I know that part of empowering women and closing the gap has to do with allowing women to be more free of their "maternal burdens". And hey, I'm all for women assuming powerful jobs, and climbing all ladders. But, when did we start judging in reverse. Can't we simply stop judging other mothers? Period.
So when will I stop breastfeeding? Sometimes, when people ask me, I say until she's ten, and laugh. But seriously, I don't know. I'm praying (and also dreading) for the moment when Victoria decides she doesn't need it anymore. But until then, my boob is sort of like the nanny I can't afford to have here. Are you upset and crying? I'll hand you over to the boob. Are you trying to sleep but can't? hello, boob! Are you sick and feel under the weather, well here is Doctor Boob. Are you just having a shitty day and need some extra attention? Your best friend boob is always here. If it weren't for these couple of lifesavers, I seriously think I would've lost it already (my mental sanity, that is). Do you see a pattern here? Mom is boob, I want Victoria to know I am available for her. Additionally, since we decided against the "sleep training route"... this is the way she goes back to sleep at night in 5 seconds. I don't even feel guilty about this anymore. I need some sleep.
Now some facts: the World Health Organization recommends that babies be breastfed for two years or more, as long as all their nutritional needs are being met. Did you hear that, yes, I said two years or more. As I do my little research about breastfeeding, I'm running into a lot of articles indicating why breastfeeding past the age of one can be beneficial. One article stated that: levels of certain antibodies in human milk actually increase as your baby grows older and nurses less. Basically, this is a protective mechanism to reduce the toddler’s risk of illness during the weaning stage, when he is gradually being introduced to more solids and less mother’s milk.
In the name of honesty I also have to mention there are a few articles I've read that indicate the "dangers" of prolonged breastfeeding. However, I also must admit all of their reasons sound very, very ridiculous, and have absolutely no scientific research to back up. One article even lists La Leche Legue and The World Health Organization as references, which is completely misleading because these institutions simply do NOT support their statements. They are more opinion pieces, and should label themselves as that. Mainly, they talk about the inconvenience of breastfeeding itself. Which I will admit, yes it's not the most convenient thing. But hey, parenting is definitely not about convenience. It's not very convenient for a grown up to have a another person attached to them for life.
I must state that being able to be a full time mom, is a luxury these days (a luxury for our growing child, I do not think it's a luxury for me). If I were working there would probably be a few things I would need to do differently. To start with, sleep training, and then, yes, a sleep trained baby will not wake up to feed. Currently, I mainly only nurse her right before her nap, and right before going to sleep. So sleep training would "solve" the problem. However, I enjoy having this bond and magical power to soothe my baby, and I feel it contributes to her growing sense of security. Also, breastmilk is by no means, replacing her solids, or her intake of cows milk. Even though, Dewey (2001), indicates that "breast milk continues to provide substantial amounts of key nutrients well beyond the first year of life, especially protein, fat, and most vitamins.” Victoria eats and drinks cows milk during the day. While a child should not rely purely on breastmilk past infancy, there is certainly no risk of psychological harm in nursing past their first birthday, on the contrary, some studies have found it might help with independence and psychological adjustment. I've ran into plenty of literature supporting extended breastfeeding, but I'm not going to be cynical here and make this a long list of benefits; because even though there might be, that does not necessarily make it better. Nothing bad is going to happen to your child if you decide to stop nursing whenever you stop nursing, if you are happy, if your child is loved, if he or she is getting all the nutrients they need, then great!
Breastmilk in general, might have more advantages than formula. But that doesn't mean your child will suffer or will be at a disadvantage if he or she takes formula. The same with extended nursing. I had this trauma about giving Victoria formula. I had read so much about the benefits of breastmilk. But you know what? a stronger indicator for me became my instinct as a mother and listening to my crying baby. If she was still hungry, maybe I wasn't producing enough milk, and we would give her formula when we felt this way.Then she would be happier. I'm not a purist about anything, at least I try not to be. But if there is one thing I am pro, is pro-having-a-happy-baby. I will do, what I feel is the best way to keep her happy, at least for now. She'll have plenty of time to find out, learn about and experience: disappointment, failure, and all the real but horrible things the world has to offer. I'm not pretending to shield her for life... but, she's ONE year old. Let's keep her in her happy bubble until she finds her own way into childhood and sadly, adulthood.
If there is anything I know is that every child is different and so is every mother. My personal belief aligns with not forcing a child towards independence. A child should gradually, securely, and safely achieve his or her own developmental goals. Why should anyone set an arbitrary limit on how long a baby should be nursing? I love being the person that she can rely on with no doubt, and I don't accept judgments on what, when and how long I should or shouldn't do anything. Nevertheless, I have to point out again, that I consider myself lucky and feel blessed (but also acknowledge the hard work) to have a full-time-stay-at-home parent, that still has some time and energy to provide nursing. This is the best I can do. I can't state for a fact that I would do things the same if the conditions were different. I would maybe try, but I truly don't know. Therefor, I don't feel entitled to give a judgement on what ever decision other mothers make. I support their motherhood and individual journeys. Happy mothers, emotionally stable mothers, will always be in a better place to decide what is best for their child. Their boobs are their boobs, and my boobs are my boobs.
References:
Baldwin, EN. Extended Breastfeeding and the Law. Mothering 1993 (Spring);66:88.
Dewey KG. Nutrition, Growth, and Complementary Feeding of the Breastfed Infant. Pediatric Clinics of North American. February 2001;48(1).
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